Uncertainties / Lonliness

I didn't go out last Friday and Saturday nights, stayed in, think about a lot of things, I usually don't have much time to think about myself, my life and everything, I tend to go with the flow and do whatever I like, but at certain point, when I sat down and thought about my new year resolution, I was / am sort of upset...

We are all really lucky and sort of spoiled, we have a lot of things in our lives, we could get whatever we want easily, we believe we could rule the world, we don't encounter a lot of difficulties, we don't have many obstacles in our lives, we have good education, lovely pals, good lives, we basically have everything we want...


When I think of these, a sudden serge of emptiness and loneliness strike my heart, yes, I do have a lot of things, a lot of materials, but spiritually, there's something missing, I don't know what's that missing part, but deep insider, I do feel empty and lonely... (by the way, that's not my mid age crisis)

I am greedy and maybe that's why I have that feeling, I have so much I want to accomplish, on the other hand, I know I don't have enough time to get everything well done, my optimism somehow easily brings me very negative feeling, I can't sleep well these few weeks... once I lay down, so many things swirling in my head, I wanna ask myself to stop thinking but I just can't...

I start asking what's the value of life again, accomplish all our set goals? or just let it go with the flow, but if I let myself just go with the flow, I won't be happy (that's for sure), 2010 is defo a new chapter to me, lots of challenges ahead, a lot of goals to be accomplished, probably I give myself too much pressure... I have no room for failure, all eyes are on me, I know... people want me good give me a lot of support / pressure, people hate me want me to fail... argh!!!

Maybe life is somehow too perfect / imperfect which bring me a lot of pressure / pleasure... afraid to lose the pleasure and that's why pressure sneaking into me....

Um.... anyways.... things changed cannot be changed back, opportunity missed cannot be chased back, am not regretful.... but resentment sort of fill up my chest at some points.....

My plan is to focus and concentrate all the things / assignments am working on, try not to think too much... no matter the consequences / outcomes are good or not, I will take them with smile as I do work hard and put a lot of afford....

Fingers crossed and hope for the best!!!